Five Slutty Halloween Costumes for the 2020 Quarantine Divorcee
Let’s face it, 2020 has been a total shit storm on its own. And, when you factor in your fucked up divorce, move across the country to live with your parents in rural Ohio, and a fleeting sense of purpose, Halloween night might be the perfect night for your sexy return to society. Let us help you find a costume that will let everyone know you got divorced in quarantine! And you’re totally almost OK with it. And so down for that D!
Slutty Oreo
They say, “You are what you eat,” and a sexy tribute to that double stuffed treat you housed every night in quarantine will have every guy at the party sweet talking you. Nothing says I gave up that revenge body goal like Slutty Oreo!
Slutty iPhone
Once upon a time in a bustling Apple store, an iPhone showed off a little leg, and we’re totally here for it! And, for some of you, if it wasn’t for this saucy lil’ gadget, you might still be married! Yep, many extramarital affairs have been unearthed through this sexy device. Thanks, Siri!
Slutty Blunt
You moved from a legal cannabis state to fucking Ohio. You miss that green, you desperately miss human touch, and we have the perfect salute to both. You’re ready to be passed around, and nothing says three dudes threw down on me, and they still tapped out before I was cashed like Slutty Blunt! Besides, it’s not cool to hang onto you for too long, man.
Slutty Ball of String
Your life unraveled pretty quickly after discovering your husband’s affair, but nothing says I’m here for that dick with no strings attached like this costume! Dress up like the slutty little ball of (unattached) string you are, even if you’re typically more of a yarn girl.
Slutty Father Time
Every person you told about your divorce told you some bullshit line about time healing wounds, etc. Well, time is at a fucking standstill right now, Rachel! And we get it, you want to feel sexy, but a skintight bodysuit isn’t your thing. No worries, Father Time might have taken the fucking year off, but he’s got your back with his signature flowy yet sexy tunic robe! Just don’t forget the beard. Some men are into that!
